so you left me this box. 
it is so yellow, it hurts.
sometimes I pick it up, just to feel the weight of it. 

so this is how much a lifetime of regret weighs, i squint. about two kilograms.

all the letters you have written, but have not sent. 
do they make a sound? 

all the words meant, but never felt back. 
do they make a sound?

two kilograms of you, weighing so heavy on me, for the past four years.
and i cannot make myself read a single line. 

i get it.
this box is the embodiment of your previous absence. 
the script to your years of silence. 
the tunnel vision focused on me that i have always wanted. 

however, i don’t have eyes to see a different you. 

your regret is the parent to my guilt. 
our father-daughter relationship.

Title: Two kilograms
Materials: Words on paper, a lifetime of regret, the colour yellow
Yana Buhrer Tavanier is an activist and creative